and the Do you believe that you cannot make decisions without consulting or gaining the approval of someone else? Are there circumstances that you feel dictate what you can and cannot do, such as a lack of money or education, a feeling you are too old or too young? Do you feel trapped and helpless to do anything about it? Are you waiting for someone to help you out of a dilemma?
If you’re an adult, it means that you may not have a sense of your own essential freedom.
Maybe it’s due to negative childhood experiences or maybe as an adult, you have given something your all and it didn’t work. Maybe you experienced failure more than once or twice and gave up. Some people wind up trapped in the idea that they are now, and always will be, a failure. Someone else needs to call the shots because it’s obvious you can’t do it for yourself. Yes, I’m afraid that this does mean you do not have a sense of your own essential freedom.
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Sometimes, people remain in this situation because they believe have to depend on others – they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are failures and cannot can help themselves move forward. As we discussed in last month’s blog, once we convert thoughts into beliefs, we have a sense that they are completely and undeniably true facts.
Well, there are people out there right now who have been through what you have been through—some experienced much worse — and they got through it. How did they get through it? Is it because fundamentally they’re better than you, stronger, luckier?
Nope! But let’s pause for a moment. Are you having thoughts of defending your belief that you are a failure on some level? Are you thinking that you can prove that you have failed? Ok, set that thought aside for a few minutes and just play with this idea. Think: what if there is another way? What if I’ve convinced myself of something that isn’t really a cold hard fact of life? And, what if I tried? What would my life be like if I could move forward? Then imagine positive answers to these questions, let them live in your heart and mind for a while – what does that feel like?
Many successful inventors, business people, spiritual people, ok all kinds of people have demonstrated that failure is the act of giving up. When you stop trying – you accept the failure. If you keep trying new things, learning all the time, you find what doesn’t work, and the things that didn’t work are just more information on your way to success. Become inspired to look for another way that could work.
It’s an exercise in thinking and asking larger questions. What if you just experiment with it on your own, without the approval of anyone? Just decide to give it a go and see what happens. I first discovered this when I read Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning. He was a psychiatrist and a survivor of the horrors of Auschwitz. Viktor discovered our fundamental freedom, the one no one can take from us no matter what he or she does to us. At one of the horrible points in captivity he thought, you can do what you want to my body, but you cannot make me hate. After that he worked to always find beauty in his surroundings. I highly recommend the book because we can truly grow and learn from others’ experiences.
If you’re feeling trapped and helpless spend some time thinking about anyone who was in a similar situation that got out of it. Because if anyone, even one person did it, well – so can you. Step one is to gather your strength and learn about others who found that there is a way.
I claimed my independence from a pretty difficult situation with the intention of changing my life. It’s not a light switch, it was more like creating an upward spiral while finding inspiration and opening myself up to the possibilities. I finally decided I was in fact worth it and I could be independent and my declaration was made at night, in the dark through tears.
What you think about your life, what you believe about yourself, and your willingness to work on clearing away stale “facts” of your life allows you to see the infinite possibilities. They are stepping stones on your path to move into your independence.
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Next Month: We are switching it up and talking about returning to the office in
Let’s Get This Band Back Together!
A. Z. Reviewed in the United States on March 10, 2021